How I stopped Self-Sabotaging

What behavioural patterns did I recognise and overcome

Have you ever found yourself right on the edge of achieving something important, only to sabotage yourself at the last minute?

Or achieving something, then getting comfortable and starting from scratch again?

Trust me, you’re not alone. Self-sabotage has been a sneaky companion in my life for years. It wasn’t until I began doing deeper inner work that I realised how much I was standing in my way, not because I didn’t want to succeed, but because, at some level, I didn't believe I could handle what success would require of me.

Today, I want to share how self-sabotage used to run the show in my life, the specific ways it showed up, what it was trying to protect me from, and how I began breaking free. I hope my blog helps you feel seen and inspires you to take your first step out of the sabotage cycle.

Understanding my Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage doesn’t always wear a big red warning sign. It often looks like:

• Perfectionism: Refusing to start something unless conditions are perfect.

  • Impact: Prevents progress and growth; keeps us stuck in over-preparation rather than taking action.

    
    

• People-Pleasing: Constantly prioritizing others' expectations over your own needs. I said yes when I meant no, helped when I was depleted, and stayed silent when I should’ve spoken up. I thought I was being kind. Truth? I was abandoning myself.

  • Impact: Leads to burnout, resentment, and loss of personal identity.

    
    

• Procrastination: My excuses were so convincing. "It’s too hard." "I’m not ready." "I can’t be bothered." I numbed out with Instagram scrolling or cleaning the house instead of writing the post, recording the video, and sending the invoice. I called it "waiting for alignment," but deep down, I was terrified of failing (or succeeding).

  • Impact: Increases stress and guilt, diminishing self-confidence.

    
    

• Playing Small: I’d get a great opportunity, and my inner critic would immediately chime in: "You’re not qualified." "Someone else is already doing it better." Imposter syndrome would pull me back into the shadows. I hid behind being "humble," but was afraid to be seen.

  • Impact: Limits career and personal advancement, reinforcing a belief in inadequacy.

• Self-Doubt and Imposter Syndrome: Constantly questioning one's worth, abilities, or achievements.

  • Impact: Prevents us from stepping fully into our power, taking risks, or celebrating successes.

• Not Setting or Honouring Boundaries: I didn’t want to disappoint anyone, so I said yes to coffee dates, took calls in the evenings, and answered messages on weekends. I was tired, resentful, and out of alignment—but I kept going, thinking that was the price of being a "good" person.

  • Impact: Leads to overwhelm, burnout, and compromised emotional health.

• Ignoring Health and Self-Care: Putting wellness last, neglecting diet, movement, sleep, and mental health.

  • Impact: Compromised health, low energy, and diminished self-worth.

• Comparison and Envy: Measuring life against others, especially through social media.

  • Impact: Reduces self-worth, increases anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy.

• Avoiding Financial Responsibility: Ignoring budgeting, debt, or financial planning due to fear or discomfort.

  • Impact: Creates long-term stress, reduces financial freedom and independence.

• Tolerating Toxic Relationships: Staying in contact with people who are draining, unsupportive, or unhealthy.

  • Impact: Damages self-esteem, confidence, and overall quality of life.

Why was I sabotaging myself?

This is where it gets raw. These behaviours weren’t random. They were survival patterns. Behind each one was a deep, painful belief:

• If I say no, I will lose friends and be alone.

• If I try and fail, everyone will see I’m not good enough, and I will lose credibility

• If I succeed, I’ll have to keep up the performance, people will judge me, and I will lose friends

But where did these beliefs come from?

Let’s talk conditioning. I grew up in post-communist Czechoslovakia. And even though my parents were loving, the cultural climate was filled with unspoken rules: Don’t stand out. Don’t be too proud. Don’t trust too easily. Be grateful for what you have, but always do better.

Success wasn’t always celebrated; it was often met with envy and comments, “Who do you think you are? Or do you think you are better than us?” And so, somewhere deep in my nervous system, I learned that being seen was not safe. I felt that doing “too well” could isolate me from others, that perfection was the price of acceptance. No matter what I did, I had to keep proving my worth.

And that became the foundation of my self-sabotage.

Even as an adult, when I left home and moved to London, I carried those beliefs, never breaking the glass ceiling and overworking to be respected. I hid my creative side so I wouldn’t be mocked. I dimmed my light so others wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. The communist voice in my head whispered, "The higher you fly, the more painful it will be to fall."

And when I started my own business? That’s when those patterns screamed the loudest. Suddenly, I had to believe in myself without external validation. That’s when the old beliefs showed up strongest - trying to protect me, yes, but also keeping me small.

How I started to break free

Transformation didn’t come from a single "aha moment." It came from dozens of micro-decisions:

• Naming It: Just saying "this is self-sabotage" took the power away from it. I stopped pretending it was "bad luck" or "just my personality."

• Getting Curious: I started questioning my inner voice. Is that fear real? Is that voice mine—or is it my mum, my old boss, my high school teacher? This brought so much clarity.

• Tiny Actions: I stopped trying to overhaul my whole life in one day. I picked one thing: post the video, say no to the coffee date, rest instead of push. Those small actions created momentum.

• Building Boundaries: I practiced saying, "Let me get back to you" instead of an immediate yes. I put my phone on airplane mode. I claimed my mornings for myself.

• Celebrating Progress: Every time I noticed a pattern and made a different choice, I celebrated. I journaled it, danced, and texted a friend. This made the new neural pathways stick.

Invitation: 7-Day #BreakFreeFromSabotage Challenge

I created this challenge because I know how lonely and confusing the inner work can feel. I want you to feel supported, seen, and celebrated as you create new patterns.

Here’s the challenge outline:

• Day 1: Identify Your Sabotage – Bring your patterns into the light.

• Day 2: Question the Root Belief – Get curious about where this comes from.

• Day 3: Choose one empowering action – Small step, big shift.

• Day 4: Practice Saying No – Reclaim your time and energy.

• Day 5: Publicly Share a Win – Own your progress.

• Day 6: Prioritize Self-Care – Nourish yourself deeply.

• Day 7: Reflect and Plan for Continued Growth – Anchor the new you.

  
  

Join the Challenge: DM BREAK FREE

Reflection questions:

Which of these patterns resonates most strongly with you right now?

How might this behaviour serve you (in a hidden way), and what fear or belief might be underlying it?

What small, consistent action could you take to interrupt this pattern?

Closing thoughts:

Self-sabotage is common. But it’s not who you are. It’s just a set of protective patterns that once kept you safe.  You can rewrite your story with awareness, compassion, and consistent action.

So let me ask: What’s your most stubborn form of self-sabotage?

Drop it in the comments or message me privately. Let’s hold each other through this. Because when we rise together, we rewrite what’s possible.

With love and honesty,

Katka